Staring, the great American pastime.

What is it with staring? I mean, really, come on. What makes my child so very intriguing to you? Is it her absolutely darling Shirley Temple curls? Maybe its her contagious smile, glimmering eyes, perfectly round and angelic face? No, I know, it has to be a combo of the genes and the jeans....'cuz my kid can rock a size 2T like nobodies business!

Or........my child is having a hard time adjusting from the low sensory environment of our car to the sensory fiesta that is the local pumpkin patch. Give her a minute to get her barrings.

She yelled for a minute and dropped to the ground to protest my touching her hand. She didn't see it coming and it startled her. But then, you wouldn't care to know that. It would make the staring so much less fun. Its so much more fun to look at this beautiful little girl and create a story in your mind. "What a brat", "terrible parenting".....

You see, autism is the invisible disability. No less debilitating than any other disability, just invisible. So, let the stares and silent admonishment begin!

I wonder, do you stare at people in wheelchairs or just little girls with neurobiological disorders?

Why is it my job to educate you about my child's struggles? You want something to stare at...wait until we have to transition to leave. Hell, we just got here. You ain't seen nothing yet!

By the way, in the time you spent staring at my kid, your kid managed to ram a kernel of corn up his nose and punch his sister in the arm. Yeah, buddy, we've moved on and are gonna hit the patch. That screaming you hear is your own kid. You might want to take care of that, and don't worry...I won't stare.

Enjoy!

Just the facts.....

My name is Sarah and I'm mom to a very clever, cute, tenacious, funny, and loving little 2.5 yr old diva living with Classical Autism. Saf was diagnosed at 20 months. She has a number of sensory processing issues as well as motor planning issues and oral motor apraxia. Those who work with her say that she is the most tactile defensive child they have ever worked with. So, what does all of this look like in the day to day? Saf is a very emotional kiddo. She's like a lightening rod for emotional states. When she's happy, she is HAPPY. When she's not....well, she's not. She is raw emotion...totally uncensored. Her laugh is equally as loud as her protests. She is a blur of energy. She's here, there...she's everywhere. Her oral motor apraxia make it difficult for her to accurately reproduce many sounds and words. Example: "cat" is "hass", "perfect" is "houituss". She has a vocabulary of about 24 words and 5 phrases...most imitated from cartoons. Despite this limitation....she's ALWAYS talking about something. Usually, she is doing scripts from her favorite cartoons. We can tell what shows she's doing by listening to the tone and intonation of what would otherwise sounds like gibberish. She has extremly limited spontaneous speech. She has a hard time with new and novel things. Causes her a great deal of anxiety that usually leads to a "meltdown". Meltdowns can be anything from crying to screaming to banging her head into the first hard surface she can find. Once she "gets it out", she's fine. Kind of like an itch that really needs to be scratched. She receives ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) 2 hr a day, 5 days a week....speech and occupational therapy 3 times a week....and developmental case management once a week. We are trying to figure out how to fit in physical therapy, it ain't fitting! We'll see.



I also have a 6 month old little girl that is sensitive, quiet, cuddly, cute, and gentle. Nixi is showing the early signs of apraxia, sensory processing disorder, and motor planning difficulties. We'll see what the future holds....but for now...I'm just gonna hold her tight and love her to bits. She'll only be a baby for a snapshot in time.

Me, I used to be a practicing forensic psychologist. I planned on returning to work at some point, until our world changed and became a world with autism. I am at home full-time and will continue to be so for as long as I am able. My kids are my life, my love, my passion, and my greatest challenge.

The purpose of this blog is to give people insight into what its like living day to day with autism. Its also my diary, my outlet, my way to work through the pain I feel when I watch my child struggle daily.

My child is a gift, she is perfectly imperfect and we accept her fully on her terms. She has taught me more in 2.5 yrs about people, love, pain, joy, and life than I could have ever possibly hoped to learn in a lifetime. I am forever grateful to be her mom and just hope I can prove myself worthy of that title.

That said, if you don't want to read about pain, anger, frustration, fear, greiving....this is NOT the blog for you. All of these feelings are part of the process of living in the world of autism.

This is my process.

Welcome.